WOULDN’T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR
ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE
THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
“My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the
defeat of the Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any
more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is
complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete
removal of all American forces from Iraq This
action will be complete within 30 days. It is
now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains
the names of countries which have stood by
our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short . The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria ,
Australia , and Poland are some of the
countries listed there.
The other list contains every one not on the
first list. Most of the world’s nations are on
that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this
evening.
Let me start by saying that effective
immediately, foreign aid to those nations on
list 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely.
The money saved during the first year alone
will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war.THEN EVERY YEAR THERE AFTER IT’ll GO
TO OUR SOCIAL SECURITY SYSTEM SO IT
WONT GO BROKE IN 20 YEARS.
The American people are no longer going to
pour money into third world Hell holes and
watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption.
Need help with a famine ? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France ..
In the future, together with Congress, I will
work to redirect this money toward solving
the vexing social problems we still have at
home . On that note, a word to terrorist
organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt
you down and eliminate you and all your
friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try
France or maybe China
I am ordering the immediate severing of
diplomatic relations with France , Germany ,
and Russia . Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well.
Bonne chance, mezamies.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin
towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in
Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to
sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
and crushed. I don’t care about whatever treaty pertains
to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid
tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your
precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to
some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New
York
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on
List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot
more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2 its president and his
entire corrupt government really need an
attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra
thousand tanks and infantry divisions sitting
around. Guess where I am going to put ‘em?
Yep, border security.
Oh, by the way, the United States is
abrogating the NAFTA treaty – starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.
Immediately, we’ll be drilling for oil in Alaska-
which will take care of this country’s oil
needs for decades to come. If you’re an
environmentalist who opposes this decision, I
refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and
move there.
It is time for America to focus on its own
welfare and its own citizens. Some will
accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by
saying, ‘darn tootin.’
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a
decent life around the world has only earned
us the undying enmity of just about everyone
on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in
America It is time to eliminate homelessness
in America . To the nations on List 1, a final
thought. Thank you guys. We owe you and we
won’t forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn
to speak Arabic.
God bless America .. Thank you and good night.“
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you
are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
