What America Needs is More Liberalism

Or, at least, so some people claim. To restore American greatness and our position in the world, we need a strong dose of liberalism to make us more tolerant, just, kind and, for all I know, warm and fuzzy. But, just what hath liberalism wrought? Ask a liberal, and he’ll answer that just short of making the sun rise each morning, liberalism is responsible for all that is good in the world…freedom, science, intellectual growth, tolerance, etc, etc, etc. How about we take a look at the record?

Liberalism, from its glad morn in the 1930’s to its demise between 1980 and 1994, gave us the following:

War:

A bloody stalemate in Korea. A bloody defeat in Vietnam. 444 days of national humiliation in Iran.

Peace:

A half-century long nuclear stalemate. Cuba still under the same tyrant who ruled when Ted Kennedy’s older brother was a mere Senator from Massachusetts. A cease-fire in the Arab-Isreali war…in 1948, 1956, 1967, 1974, etc, etc, etc…

Econony:

From the world’s predominant manufacturing nation in 1945 to Chrysler looking for a bailout in 1980. From a stable currency and low interest rates to double digit inflation and interest rates. The Pittsburgh Steelers are so called because Pittsburgh used to make a lot of steel. No, really.

Social issues:

Easy access to pornography; not that anyone other than a few perverts were clamoring for this, but liberalism felt sure that what America needed is more pictures of naked people having sex. We just weren’t complete without it.

Breakdown of the family; the cure for the problems in a marriage? Divorce, naturally - ’cause no one can really be expected to keep a life long promise and, anyways, if an individual isn’t perfectly happy all the time, then the whole thing is a failure. The kids? Oh, don’t you remember - they told us that it’d be better for the kids to have divorced parents rather than parents who stayed together and worked past the rough patches.

Massive increase in illegitimate children; Once upon a time, we unfairly shamed those girls who got pregnant out of wedlock…now its much better; heck, in some places we’re even providing maternity leave for high school girls so they can have their out-of-wedlock children with the least amount of trouble. Don’t worry - we’ll pass out condoms in school, teach kids how to masturbate and for crying out loud not even mention that, hey, it might be inapproriate for young, unmarried people to have sex.

Massive increase in violent crime; we got rid of all that unfair punishment stuff starting in the 1950’s and going on through the 70’s…perfection was reached when a first-degree murderer could, at one point, expect to spend all of 6 years behind bars with good behaviour. That this turned whole sections of America’s cities over to a criminal element which held in contempt a weak-kneed approach to crime isn’t important - rich, white liberals don’t live there, ya know? That the pathologies bred by leniency towards criminal - most notably the continued existence of extraordinarily violet street gangs - continue to this day is also not important…what is important is that all that conservative reform of criminal justice must be slowly chipped away…how else will we get Mumia out of jail?

Physical decay of the cities; we have to prioritise here, and when we’re faced with either filling in potholes or funding the transgendered assistence agency, we have to take care of the far more important matters. Anyways, things like clean streets and well maintained public areas are just manifestations of middle class American bigotry against the alternative lifestyle of bums…errrr…I mean, homeless persons, sex workers and differently sober individuals…

Abortion; all those pesky children! Who needs ‘em? Having a child can entirely mess up your demonstration schedule and leave you no time for filing lawsuits against the productive members of society.

Education:

Ah, the crown jewel of liberalism - everyone can go to school! Don’t worry that they don’t learn all that much…such knowledge is too difficult for the unwashed masses. As long as they tolerate gays, know how to use a condom and can apply for welfare, what more do they need? And don’t forget college! Everyone can go, even if they aren’t qualified for it…can’t keep a Prof on 100 grand a year without a steady supply of students, now can we? Nifty for the bankers who donate to liberalism, too - they get to provide the loans which pay for the education. The only people getting it in the shorts here are the students, so no worries.

Conclusion:

Another decade or two of liberalism and we’ll have an abortion clinic at Hugh Hefner middle school…

Lee ADDS: Think about this, this is what the Party of the Left wants for America!